Two Poems by Katelyn Roth

At the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art

When I take her daughter
onto my hip in the Egypt room, 
my cousin says babies are the best 
tour guides if we will only follow
their eyes to the dizzying
spread of ceiling tiles, thin,
needle-sharp arms of lights
straining to us, the nearby slope of
some woman’s neck, the warmth
in her pale hands. And in the 
gift shop, a tiny water wheel
turns and turns and turns. Her baby rejects
my two offered fingers in favor of her own
palm. She is everything she needs.
Mass Shooting

i go to Lucille
Clifton again, to 
“the times.” on my bed
in a chiffon dress, soft
to the floor, i eat
chocolate-covered
pomegranate.
the body 
can feel good things
too. we can make
a home here.
ear buds without music
muffle even the
silence. i am
so full and so hungry.
i eat in the bath.
i almost text
my ex. i am 
lonelier
than i can ever remember
feeling.
i collage. i want
to finish, push, 
make something. so I 
make myself 
stop. feelings
just have
to be felt.
it is hard to remain human
but we are, and 
i am.

Assistant Editor Katelyn Roth has a master’s in poetry from Pittsburg State University in Kansas. Her work has previously appeared online at Silver Birch Press, in Apeiron Review, and at Heartland: Poems of Love, Resistance, and Solidarity. Currently, she lives in Columbus, Ohio where she is an MFA candidate at Ohio State University.

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butcher rack by Cei Loofe

 i wanna be a boy!
 that’s what i told every ‘old lady’ 
 that came to play bridge with my grandmother. 
 they would smile…
 ruffle my hair and say
 ‘you are cute honey, but you’re a girl.’
 and they were right. 
 i was cute.
 saddle leather tanned
 feathered with incorrigible
 able to fly with a wing span imagination wide 
 i ran shirtless, chest first into everything i could
 i would be cowboy, riding propane tanks all the way to dallas
 and building callouses on my hands from swinging on the kill rack
 long into the night
 washing the blood off before i came in.
 by the time i was seven i knew the meaning of sin.
 i didn’t know wanting to be a priest
 instead of a nun qualified
 so i lied after grandma’s disapproving glance
 and her suggestion i find a better habit. 
 i can still say mass, word for word. 
 i heard all her all their admonitions
 shame on you, young lady.
 wore the blouses they put me in
 my hair held perfect ringlet curls
 i became the precious i was expected to be
 and somewhere in the process
 i lost me. 
 my skin became pale.
 my feathers fell.
 i was no longer able to fly.
 the callouses left my hands, 
 i hung from the rack by a rope.
 long into the night. 
 but with a foothold, not a noose
 wishing to wash off who i had become,
 begin again, in new skin.
 two thousand  ‘what if’s’ and hundreds of ‘why not’s’ later
 i grew courage-gained new feathers sprouted in confidence blue.
 my arms stretched hallelujah-finally wide and i began to fly. 




Cei Loofe writes and makes art in Seward, NE with an ASL speaking dog and a quad of stone flipping fish. Loofe spent 25 years as a free-lance journalist before switching to creative writing. Since, he has been included in several anthologies and has been published three times independently.

November Editor, Ronda Miller was State President of Kansas Authors Club, 2018 – 2019, Miller has three full length books of poetry: Going Home: Poems from My Life, MoonStain and WaterSigns and chapbook Winds of Time. Miller’s first children’s book, I Love the Child, was published 12/13/2019. The book’s illustrator is Katie Wiggins, a found cousin. I Love the Child, won first place for The Children’s Books Award at the Kansas Authors Club State convention, October, 2020.

Creative Collaborations at Topeka & Shawnee County Public Library in Topeka, KS on 1/4/2020

Creativity gives me community
voices pushed by the voices
of my ancestors– love
 
creativity allows a clear mind
kindness in my life
don’t judge me but feel me
 
creativity gives me freedom of spirit
we are better together than apart
purpose
 
passion with purpose = power
 
we are shaped by what we create
we create what we hold in our heart
 
creativity lets you express
your soul to the world
 
creativity is the expression derived
from the internal collaboration
of the two selves
 
your voice is you power
to live a creative truth
words become wings that
give birth to the future
 
I dream of a day when all are
equal & live without fear
 
thankful for moments to reflect, now onto
reality; nephew’s memorial service,
post suicide
 
Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you
become your reality or define you
don’t go looking for evidence that you
don’t belong
 
be willing to uplift others
leaders are created
when you teach others
how to lead




 

Exquisite corpse: (from the French term cadavre exquis), A method by which a collection of words or images are collectively assembled. I collected these poems as I traveled through Kansas. These poems are written collectively by Kansans at readings, open mics and workshops. The titles of each poem are the locations and dates where they were assembled. They are part of Exquisite Kansas, a collection to be published at the end of my laureateship.

Kansas Wesleyan University in Salina, KS on 12/02/2019

Where does your belief come from?
 
From the past being brought to the future
from the here & now
being unapologetically myself
trying to be the truest form of me
realizing that I am stronger than I know
 
so much stronger than I ever thought possible
exceeding even my own expectations
 
stay true to yourself
 
but is there still meaning
in that, or has it become
cliché?
 
Because the only difference
between a groove & grave
is the depth




 

Exquisite corpse: (from the French term cadavre exquis), A method by which a collection of words or images are collectively assembled. I collected these poems as I traveled through Kansas. These poems are written collectively by Kansans at readings, open mics and workshops. The titles of each poem are the locations and dates where they were assembled. They are part of Exquisite Kansas, a collection to be published at the end of my laureateship.

Highland Park High School in Topeka, KS on 11/25/2019

I.

Who are you talking to today & how are they?

My future and it’s looking bright
brighter than the sun
& stronger than the waves
 
the waves crashing all around me
I feel that it will one day pull me under
&  let me drown
 
I feel like if I’m drowning in thought
without a second to stop
when I stop there would be
emptiness
 
I would be happy but I wouldn’t be myself
& if I’m not myself
happiness isn’t important
 
II.
 
How do you let thing go?
 
By walking away
or ignoring
the issue
or by bottling
my emotions
 
open that bottle
& spew out
all of your feelings
 
but make sure you’re
in the right place first
think very carefully
on where those emotions
are coming from
but let your emotions
be natural
 
you can’t solve anything
running away

or else
they will control you
control what you feel
or why you should
like their puppet
 
dancing sadly
as you dangle
from the thick strings
 
this is not the life, but
 
tugs of war
tears in hearts
pulls from peers
as they trace
our tears
 
our eyes miss nothing
our breath releases all




 
 

Exquisite corpse: (from the French term cadavre exquis), A method by which a collection of words or images are collectively assembled. I collected these poems as I traveled through Kansas. These poems are written collectively by Kansans at readings, open mics and workshops. The titles of each poem are the locations and dates where they were assembled. They are part of Exquisite Kansas, a collection to be published at the end of my laureateship.

Benedictine College in Atchinson, KS on 11/19/19

Where do you go for words?
Where do you go for meaning?
 
Sometimes meaning hides,
like burning stars silenced behind
the lights of the city
 
like a child, waiting to unveil a secret
entrusted to her care
wanting to take hold of it, but knowing
if I grasp it, it will break
 
words flow around us
like water or wind
 
the raucous screams of crows
like the faceless mouths calling for
the death of the battered prize fighter
 
one thousand joined in a single voice
joined in a single, solid song
but I’m afraid to venture in the dark attic
& reach for them, afraid
I will get lost in those words
 
Lost at a grocery store
 —alone

My mother,
one aisle over
 
My heart is a lemon in my mouth
not sweet enough to savor nor
sour enough to make me cry
 
& what to do with this other than
reject it—to spit it out
 
I swallow
 


Exquisite corpse: (from the French term cadavre exquis), A method by which a collection of words or images are collectively assembled. I collected these poems as I traveled through Kansas. These poems are written collectively by Kansans at readings, open mics and workshops. The titles of each poem are the locations and dates where they were assembled. They are part of Exquisite Kansas, a collection to be published at the end of my laureateship.

Robinson Middle School in Topeka on 11/15/2019

Tai Amri Spann-Ryan’s students

I.
 
I always want to be
the best I can be
but sometimes it’s hard
to always stay positive
& to keep your head up
to always think about wonderful things
 
Life is different for everyone
maybe we can sit under the stars
& think about how we are
all special in this world
cool & brave
 
My life is awesome & cool everyday
I want to be safe wherever I go
there will be a show
that I go to & roar
I go to an orchard
 
II.
 
One day I will find
one soul that will join me
OOGA BOOGA
 
Join me on the road
lighten up the soul
with a smile that is
so full
 
I will find flowers




 

Exquisite corpse: (from the French term cadavre exquis), A method by which a collection of words or images are collectively assembled. I collected these poems as I traveled through Kansas. These poems are written collectively by Kansans at readings, open mics and workshops. The titles of each poem are the locations and dates where they were assembled. They are part of Exquisite Kansas, a collection to be published at the end of my laureateship.

Pratt High School in Pratt on 11/28/2019

Where has all the summer gone?
 
The summer was sweet
The summer was salty
Long days full of laughter
Joy was evident under the hot sun
Joy is summer, summer holds beauty
beauty is a blessing
 
The summer turns dark
Cold and desperate
 
The summer will vanish & leave
but will always find its way back
to us
although summer is where bellowing heat
resides, there are also relenting, rosy tides
& in those times I think
do my friends really love me?
They never seem to call me
 
The sun rises the sun falls
but why do my friends never call
even when I call them
they still don’t talk to me
 
So instead, I speak to the sky,
the sun, the clouds, stars, moon
& all the galaxies in between
that stop & listen as I spill
my heart like rain
 
An aching like no other
why must I continue to
exist in pain for the
benefit of those who
don’t care
 
to their senses
understand
how the world is
& can be
 
the sunlight ripped away
now there is no light
I can’t see where
I was or should be

I sat there with nothing
empty  inside
I’ve decided I can no longer hide
there’s so many words stuck
in this mind of mine
for we, the children of mankind
teeter on the brink, between
fear and success
the fear of fear itself,
withers away the thought of success
 
Someday, maybe, we’ll understand why
all the success consumes our minds
 
But why do our minds crave success
the thing that eats us
inside & out
 
with the consumption of our body.




 
 

Exquisite corpse: (from the French term cadavre exquis), A method by which a collection of words or images are collectively assembled. I collected these poems as I traveled through Kansas. These poems are written collectively by Kansans at readings, open mics and workshops. The titles of each poem are the locations and dates where they were assembled. They are part of Exquisite Kansas, a collection to be published at the end of my laureateship.

Aaron Douglas Art Fair in Topeka on 9/28/19

Surrounded by art,
smoking grills, misty tents
& Tennessee town ghosts.

Rainfalls as mist
& I’m reminded of Seattle
as people run from the weather.

I almost never carry an umbrella,
even if people tell me,
I’ll need one.

Umbrellas in the desert
are mocking the sky;
Seattle is always wet.

I ran away,
I ran away to you,
to those eyes &
to those hands.

My breathing stops.
If only I could start my
faltering heart. Which
beats only for you.
Always for you.

For strength is relative,
goals found are fought differently,
then the goals still looked for.

The beating is faster when found
slowed to nothing. ‘Till.
‘Till.



Exquisite corpse: (from the French term cadavre exquis), A method by which a collection of words or images are collectively assembled. I collected these poems as I traveled through Kansas. These poems are written collectively by Kansans at readings, open mics and workshops. The titles of each poem are the locations and dates where they were assembled. They are part of Exquisite Kansas, a collection to be published at the end of my laureateship.

Ellen Plumb City Bookstore in Emporia on 9/06/19

That night, my heart
like drumbeats.
Your heart , like
Winter glass, clear
frost-rime-fragile.
Delicate, strong, precious
frost on my heart;
the beat slows.

Winter:
Death of nature.
Death of our love.

Yet still, somehow we carry on.
Never knowing how strong
we had to be, until we were
there, facing this, our own
stopping of the heart.

My heart, held in the hand
of an Inca lord, who reached 
into my chest, in the midst 
of an ayahuasca vision.

My head fell back as I
sunk more deeply into
the vision. My heart
glowed in his hand
-swollen with love.

Exhausted, long week,
will it get better?
Not anytime soon.

Floorboards creak beneath
the calloused feet
& lights flicker above
a war torn head.

Mango juice drips down
my hands on hilltop highs
as fight to get the spills
sweetness on my tongue.

Strawberries on my knees,
memories blooming as I feast,
childhood romps in green grass,
grubby hands holding
blood-red berries.

Ravenous, some might say,
but I do not see it that way.
I should not apologize for what
others have had in their time.

So devour, if it pleases, Mango
on the lips. Sweetness on the mind.
In this community– we share,
we support, we cheer
each other on.







Exquisite corpse: (from the French term cadavre exquis), A method by which a collection of words or images are collectively assembled. I collected these poems as I traveled through Kansas. These poems are written collectively by Kansans at readings, open mics and workshops. The titles of each poem are the locations and dates where they were assembled. They are part of Exquisite Kansas, a collection to be published at the end of my laureateship.